


[DECLASSIFIED] Interview Transcripts, Starblaster Mission

by anonymousAlchemist



Series: ephemera [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, and we explore why they wanted to be on it in the first place, tldr davenport interviews the ipre crew before the mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-03 11:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousAlchemist/pseuds/anonymousAlchemist
Summary: Six crew members for the IPRE’s inaugural interplanar mission were picked from a pool of hundreds of candidates. Each crew member was interviewed personally by Captain Drew Davenport before the final decision was made.This is a transcript of these interviews.





	1. Taako and Lup Taaco

**Author's Note:**

> this ones gonna be fun, kids.

_Transcriber's note: The Taaco siblings came in together, although they had separate meetings scheduled consecutively. They insisted on being interviewed together or not at all. Normally this would not be allowed, but CD was curious, and TT and LT had scored some of the highest scores on the magical aptitude tests this century._

 

CD: Before we get started, can I ask why you wanted to be interviewed together? These are supposed to be so that we get a better sense of who you are as individuals. 

TT: Well, you know, it's not like you're going to learn anything from one of us that you can't learn from the other, and there's no point making one of us wait in the — actually pretty swank, how much do they _pay_ you my guy? — waiting room when we could just do this _at the same time_ and save everyone's time, because Taako is a busy elf. 

LT: What my brother is saying, Captain, is that you're going to take both of us, or neither, and there's no point evaluating us separately. 

TT: Yeah! We're a package deal, my dude. 

_LT punches TT in the arm, and he punches her back, and they have a quick whispered argument. The only thing audible is LT exclaiming "-n't call him 'my dude!'" This is quickly finished and the two of them turn back to CD, who looks nonplussed._  

LT: Sorry about that, Capt'n. 

CD: Package deal? 

_TT looks serious for the first time since walking into CD's office._

TT: I'm not going on the mission if Lup's not —

LT: — and I'm not going if Taako isn't. 

CD: Why?  

_Silence. LT starts picking at the hem of her shorts. TT fidgets and starts examining his split ends._

CD: Why not? It's only two months. The chances that the two of you are picked separately are far lower, statistically, than the two of you being picked together. 

[Speaking concurrently] 

TT: — is a long time, nuh-uh, no way are we getting separated for that long — 

LT: — as a team than we are as individuals, Captain, and it's _stupid_ to only take one — 

CD: One at a time, please. 

_TT and LT look at each other. TT shrugs. LT turns back toCD._

LT: What I was saying is that me and 'Ko are better as a team than as individuals, and that between the two of us you'd be getting an evocation specialist and a transmutation specialist, both with long-range combat and research skills, with crosstraining in each other's disciplines, with a 'lil bit of enchantment and necromancy thrown in for flavor. _And_ we've scored the highest on the MAT's in a century. Basically, we're hella qualified, and you're not going to find a better deal for your money. 

TT: Ch'yeah. Also, we're both _fire_ at cooking, and for two months in the middle of nowhere, you _know_ you need people who know their way around a kitchen. 

CD: [Laughs] Alright. The two of you are definitely more than qualified, we knew that when we called you in. I'll make a note in your files about your request... Moving on, why do the two of you want to go on this mission? 

TT: 'Cause it's the coolest thing happening on this entire planet, right now, duh. 

LT: We grew up in traveling caravans. And, uh, we've basically seen everywhere there is to see on-planet. 

TT: Also, we're _pretty much done_ with book-learning. We've covered basically everything in the 'versity's curriculum. 

LT: That too. We've crushed it here, and we're hella smart and hella bored —

TT: — and we want to see what the fuck else is out there. 

LT: Taako! You can't say fuck at the Captain! 

TT: I'm not saying it at him, Lulu, I'm saying it to him! 

LT: Do you wanna wreck our chances of ge— 

CD: [waves a hand] It's fine, we're not filtering based on profanity. 

_TT looks smug. LT sticks her tongue out at him. (For all her chastising, she's not particularly more formal than her brother)_

CD: You've kind of answered this one, but why you, for the mission, and not someone else? 

TT: Like my sister said, 'cause there ain't nobody more qualified than the two of us. 

LT: Yup. 

CD: Okay, but aside from your credentials, what makes _you_ the right people for the job? And please, answer the question seriously. 

_LT pauses from where she was about to speak. TT looks down. He takes two pieces of candy from the bowl on the desk and passes one to LT. He looks back at CD._

TT: So, Lulu mentioned this but we kind of grew up everywhere. Our parents died pretty much right after we were born, and we kind of got...tossed around from relative to relative, and we never really stayed in one place. We don't really belong anywhere. 

LT: The only reason we're even here is because we were able to deal with that lack of stability, together. 

TT: And I guess what I'm saying is that we know what it's like to keep finding and needing to deal with new places, with new people. 

LT: We're adaptable.

TT: And you're going to need adaptable, wherever the mission ends up going.  

_CD nods thoughtfully._

CD: So that's all what I was going to ask you. 

TT: Cool, cool. 

CD: Do you have any questions for me? 

LT: Yeah, when will we know if we're in, Cap? 

CD: Within the next week, hopefully. 

TT: Also, what's the pay sitch for this whole deal? 

CD: You'll be notified about payment if you're selected for the mission — but rest assured it's a very fair compensation.

TT: Mmkay my guy. Just checkin'. 

CD: Anything else? 

_LT and TT glance at each other._  

LT: I think we're good. 

CD: Alright, thanks for coming in, you two. 

LT: Thanks for having us, Cap. C'mon Taako.  

_LT gets up first, and pulls TT to his feet. He takes five pieces of candy from the bowl on the desk and waves at me on his way out. CD turns to me._

CD: It's funny — I didn't get through half the questions I was planning on asking candidates, but that was very illuminating. They're...interesting, aren't they? 

LN: I liked them, actually. 

CD: [Laughs] So did I.


	2. Magnus Burnsides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is late for his interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its the new friend mango

_Transcriber's note: MB was late to his interview, and rushed in to CD's office, breathless, without being called in._

 

MB: Sorry I'm late, sorry, sorry! [Deep breath] Wow, I ran all the way here, whew. 

CD: It's fine — you're only a few minutes late. Where are you coming from? 

MB: 51st and Juniper. I was helping out with putting some stuff up at the recc center and it ran later than I thought it would. 

CD: And you _ran_ all the way over?

MB: Well, yeah. It's not that far. [ _note: 51st and Juniper is roughly two miles from the IPRE offices]_

CD: That's uh, debatable. 

_MB takes a handful of hard candies from the bowl. He unwraps one and pops it in his mouth before glancing at me._

MB: Are 'oth of you interviewing me? 

LN: No, I'm just here to transcribe. 

MB: 'kay, cool. 

CD: So, how did you get involved with the IPRE? You're not the most traditional candidate.

MB: You mean I'm not a mage, right? 

CD: Yes. 

MB: Am I the only person who applied who wasn't? 

CD: No, but it's less common, just because of the nature of the project. 

MB: Oh. Well, that makes sense, I guess. But I would have thought there would be more people who were in it for the...I guess, for the experience, you know? 

CD: Well, why were you interested in the mission?

MB: I mean, why wouldn't I be? 

_MB begins to gesture with the hand not holding candy — he's very enthusiastic._

MB: The Starblaster mission is going to _space!_ To the different planes! It's going to explore the furthest reaches of our known universe and bring back _knowledge_ and _stuff_ that's going to change everything, maybe. That's _amazing._

_CD smiles — the Starblaster mission was his idea; he's been pitching its potential since we recovered the Light of Creation._

CD: I always thought so too. This is the sort of opportunity we never expected would happen in our lifetimes. 

MB: Yeah, exactly. I feel like the question to ask is why anyone _wouldn't_ want to go. 

CD: Ha, precisely. Okay then...why you? 

MB: What do you mean? Why me? Because I'm great. Next question. 

CD: No, I should have been more specific. I mean why you, for the mission, as opposed to anyone else? 

MB: 'Cause I'm great [Laughs]. No, but really. 

_MB runs a hand through his hair, looking out the window for a long moment before looking back at CD and me._

MB: I think... you might need someone who has my set of skills. I know I'm not a mage, at least not to the extent that everyone else on this ship is going to be — but I'm a _damn_ good fighter, and I've got my licenses in up to class-6 vehicles, and both unarmed and armed combat in eight different weapons and martial arts. Along with general fieldwork, and survival skills. 

CD: Yes, that's all listed on your application. 

MB: Yeah. And my point is, _we don't know what's out there!_

CD: You sound, uh, very excited about that. 

MB: I am! There's no guarantee magic is even going to work, in the other planes

CD: That's a fair point. 

MB: RIght? Magic's great and all, and I know nobody is even being considered for the trip without some ability in protecting themselves, but I know most mages don't go for the hand-to-hand, or for stamina. You might need a little old-school, especially if things break bad. 

CD: We're not anticipating a lot of altercations. 

MB: Well, _you_ aren't. We don't know who _is._

_CD nods._

CD: A fair point. So then, tell me Magnus, what do you want to get out of this mission? 

_MB grins and leans forward._

MB: An adventure. 

CD: Hm. That's a new one. Most candidates talk about the magical discoveries, advancement to all the races they could make, to society, etcetera. 

MB: Well, I mean that's great and all, but it's not why I want to go. 

CD: You're very straightforward. 

MB: [Laughs] There's no point lying, is there? If I'm chosen for this mission, I want it to be on my own merits. I know why I want to go. I'm not a researcher, not really. I'd be there to make sure that everyone comes back in one piece, because you trust me to make sure everyone comes home. 

_MB hesitates for the first time since arriving._

MB: And...I'm good at that. I've always wanted to protect people. I became a fighter _because_ I wanted to protect people. And I think I that I could help the most, if I'm on the mission. I know I can. 

CD: There are other security jobs of similar calibers, if protection detail is only what you're interested in. 

_MB shakes his head._

MB: Not ones that matter this much. 

[Pause] 

MB: Er, not that I want to do this because of the prestige value, or whatever. I mean there's a little of that, but mostly I honestly think that I'm the best guy for the job, and that this is important enough that you should have the best people. I wouldn't have applied if I didn't think I was the right person. Do you know what I'm saying? 

_CD nods and glances down at his notes._

CD: I think so. And, that's all I have for you. Do you have any questions for me? 

MB: When will you let me know the results? 

CD: Next week, hopefully. You'll get a call. 

MB: Great. That's all I needed to know. 

CD: Thank you for your time, Magnus. 

MB: No problem, Captain. 

_MB slides his shades back on and snaps finger guns at me before walking out jauntily. He throws out a small mountain of candy wrappers on his way out._

CD: He's very confident. 

LN: He ate half the bowl of candy. 

CD: Well, I suppose that's what it's there for. You know, he's not wrong, about needing other perspectives. 

LN: I suppose. He's very idealistic. 

CD: Well, we're shooting a spaceship using an untested engine based on unstudied interstellar technology. I'd say that we aren't much better. 

LN: [Laughs] Well, I didn't say it was a _bad_ thing. 


	3. Merle H. Highchurch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its time for beach boy merle highchurch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its ya boy merle!!! i guess daily updates are a thing for now....but dont expect em, haha. thanks for reading!

_Transcriber's note: MH came in carrying a potted plant nearly his size, with bright leaves and white flowers._

 

CD: Ah, Dr. Highchurch. 

MH: Oh, just call me Merle. No need for formalities. 

CD: Drew, then. Thanks for coming in. 

MH: No problem, Drew. And this is? 

LN: I'm just here to transcribe. 

MH: Ah. Haven't seen you around, nice to meet you, miss. 

LN: Likewise. 

CD: What are you carrying, by the way?

MH: No idea! One of the kids over at TSU cooked this pretty thing up, crossbreeding a couple of different cuttings. I'm taking it over to my lab to see whether it's got any interesting properties. 

CD: You're on the third floor, right? 

MH: Yup. Sort of surprising that we have't run into each other yet, actually. 

CD: Yes, it is. 

_CD shuffles his papers around. He seems uncertain about what to ask. MH sets the plant down on the table in front of him._

CD: So, you've already had quite a career, compared to a lot of people applying. 

MH: You calling me old? 

CD: Uh, in dwarf terms, no.

MH: I'm just joshin' ya. What were you going to ask me? 

CD: Well, I was just going to ask you about your history - because its quite nonlinear. And because there's quite a bit of it, compared to a lot of the others I've interviewed so far. 

MH: That's reasonable. [Sighs] Okay, so do you want the full autobio, or just the professional bits? 

CD: A bit of both - although if you could abridge it for time's sake. 

MH: Right. 

_MH clears his throat._

MH: So, I'm originally from down the coast — you know Antin'ten? 

CD: No. 

MH: Didn't think so. It's a small dwarven town next to the shore, with an affiliated Panitic commune, and it's very insular. Not a lot of travelers, not a lot of people who leave, not a lot of people who know it exists. I was one of, oh, maybe three dwarves who left in the last half-century — that I know of. 

CD: That's quite, huh. 

MH: _Yeah._ Tell me about it. So, I was brought up very strictly Pannite, and well, I started out a, hm. I suppose you'd call it a missionary. Sort of a wandering cleric, you know, doing minor bits of healing wherever I was. [Laughs] Ha, it was actually mostly a way for me to justify leaving home. But anyway, I got tired of that and ended up going to school for biology— er, specifically botany — and theology, and getting an actual medical certification. Then I did a stint with the Corps as a medical officer, and eventually I ended up teaching part-time at TSU, and last year, I transferred over to the IPRE. 

CD: Biology and theology are two very different fields. 

MH: Not really. Well, I suppose it makes more sense to Pannites. 

CD: I suppose. 

_CD pauses for a second, before leaning forward._

CD: This is just me wondering, so you can stop if I'm being religiously insensitive, but why Pan? 

MH: You mean as opposed to another deity? Or why religion at all? 

CD: Er, both, I suppose. 

MH: Well, that's sort of a complicated question. 'Specially for a cleric. 

_MH frowns, leans back on the couch, stares at the books lining CD's office bookshelves, before looking back at CD._

MH: Faith, I guess. Both in Pan, and in the idea of higher powers having an interest in our lives. I didn't start out wanting to be a cleric — hell, I actively worked against it for years, got pretty good with an axe — but, well, you end up where you end up. And every road I took – and I've taken a lot of roads — has led me back to faith. And I think that maybe with more faith – in the gods, in our own abilities, in _people_ — we'd be in a better place, you know?

_MH pauses._

MH: Listen, I'd love to talk theology with you — and I genuinely mean that — but I'm not sure this is the right time for it. 

_CD nods._

CD: Right. My fault for getting distracted. Okay then, why do you want to be on this mission? 

MH: Well, there's a lot of reasons. First of all, it's been a while since I've done any fieldwork, and quite frankly, I miss it. My day-to-day workload at the IPRE is pretty light, and while it's nice to have time for research and stuff like this —

_MH gestures to the plant._

MH: I also feel, well, kind of useless sometimes. 

CD: Your track record would indicate otherwise, I'd think. 

MH: You'd think so, right? But I get antsy, being in one place too long. And I know every mission needs a medic, and if we're going to different planes, it can't hurt to have a botanist around — if the other planes even have plants. Besides, since I'm going to be working for the IPRE either way, I'd rather examine the plants in their natural environment rather than waiting the two months for the ship to come back. We'd get better information that way, I bet. And hey, it might not hurt to have someone who can call down some divine intervention. 

_MH wiggles his fingers as if to pantomime magic._

CD: Pan answers your prayers? 

MH: Most of the time. We're buds. 

_CD's brow furrows — he's clearly never heard anyone refer to their deity as their "bud." (Neither have I)_

CD: And, what do you want to get out of the mission, if you go?

MH: Seeing new places, meeting new people... Nah, jokes aside, I think, like I've said before, what I want is the opportunity to see things on the ground-level, without the filters. 

CD: What do you mean? 

MH: Well, academia, and mages in general, we've got a tendency to stay cooped up in our towers and offices. It kind of reminds me of my hometown, and not in a good way. Like even now, we're only sending a small team to bring back information, as opposed to sending, I dunno, a much larger team. Multiple teams. 

CD: I mean, the engine can only support so much weight. 

MH: ...Yeah, that wasn't the best example. But do you see what I'm saying, right? Even in the IPRE, we get set in our ways. 

CD: Hm. 

MH: Don't misunderstand me, though. I wouldn't be working here if I didn't believe in the cause. 

CD: No, I understand what you're saying. It was actually quite difficult to get the Starblaster mission approved at all. 

MH: Let me guess, Nelson? 

CD: [Deep sigh] _Nelson._

_CD and MH nod at each other in commiseration. Dr. Nelson is one of the highest ranking and most conservative members of the IPRE._

CD: Hm, okay, so that's all of what I had for you. Do you have any questions for me? 

MH: Yeah. Who are the other candidates you're considering? 

CD: That's classified, unfortunately. 

MH: It was worth a shot. Say, I'm guessing the Taaco twins are on there? 

CD: Do you know them? 

MH: Only by reputation – my colleagues complain about them all the time. Running rings around the faculty, apparently. [Laughs] Smart kids, though. 

CD: Well, I can neither confirm nor deny. 

MH: Mmhmm. 

CD: Anyway, thanks again for coming in. 

MH: My pleasure. You're doing good work here, Drew. 

_MH picks up his plant handily, despite the fact that it's almost his height. I run over to open the office door for him, since I'm nearer than CD. MH nods at me._

MH: Thanks, hope I didn't talk too fast for ya!

LN: You were fine, thank you for asking. 

_MH smiles and leaves, and I close the door behind him. There's a couple of shed petals on the floor._

LN: He's not what I was expecting, from his resume. 

CD: Merle's got a reputation as a bit of a wild card. He spent a lot of time doing fieldwork before settling down. 

LN: Is that a good thing? 

CD: Well, it's not a bad thing, having a lot of experience. 

LN: ...Who refers to their god as a "bud?" 

CD: [Laughs] Merle, apparently! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: merle and davenport, unlike everyone else, are colleagues with similar ranks, and merle canonically was working for the IPRE. and the taaco twins have a reputation at the school, lol.


	4. Barrington J. "Bluejeans" Hallwinter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> barry bluejeans! first npc chapter!

_Transcriber's note: Half of the official records for BB refer to him as Barrington Hallwinter. The other half refer to him as Barrington Bluejeans. (The latter seems to be a prank?)_

 

CD: Barry, come in. 

BB: Hi Cap, thanks for having me. Oh, hey 'Creesh. You interviewing me too? 

_BB waves at me nervously, bends down to shake CD's hand, and sits down. He's wearing non-regulation jean pants with his IPRE jacket._

LN: Hello, Barry. No, I'm just transcribing. 

BB: Oh. 

CD: Thanks for coming in. Everything going well down in M&T? 

BB: Yup, Magitech's on schedule – for once! [Laughs] Sorry, that was uh, not a good joke. 

CD: [Laughs] It's true, though. Gods know that everything here always takes twice as long as it's projected to. 

_BB grins and picks up a piece of candy. He seems a little more relaxed._

CD: So, tell me about yourself. 

BB: You mean, my resume and stuff? 

CD: No, we have all that already. And we already know what you do here, and the obvious importance of having someone who knows how the ship works.

BB: Yeah that's pretty important. 

CD: Very much so. You're working with...

BB: I'm on Jamison's team. 

CD: Ah, I know her. Good woman. 

BB: Yeah, she's great. We're working on fitting the engine into its compartment without risk of, uh, magic leakage and warping to the metal. It's sort of a weird problem, cause we don't really _know_ how the Light of Creation works, even though we've used it to make the engine core — uh, sorry. I'm rambling. 

CD: It's fine. How did you end up working for the IPRE, anyway? 

BB: Well, I finished defending my thesis last year for TSU's necromancy department, and I was recruited by Jamison to do my postgrad at IPRE's M&T, 'cause I did some stuff with engineering in undergrad and they needed people who had cross-training, I think? 

_BB shrugs._

BB: It's not a very interesting story. 

CD: Why necromancy? 

BB: You mean why the field that has, uh, to put it lightly, kind of a reputation problem? And by kind of a reputation problem, I mean that in the last week alone there have been two editorials in the paper about how it's "evil" and "a blight against mankind" and "those who study it are morally corrupt?"

_BB makes finger quotes as he speaks, his voice growing increasingly sarcastic._

CD: Well, I wouldn't put it that way, but yes. 

BB: Sorry, I have a lot of feelings about this. 

CD: Understandable, I'd imagine. 

BB: Well, uh, I got into necromancy kind of by accident, actually. I went into school as a criminal justice major – I know most kids who end up mages start out mages, but it was only ever sort of a hobby for me. Never even learned anything past second level until sophomore year. 

CD: And now you've got a doctorate. 

BB: And now I've got a doctorate. Yup. I kind of took a necromancy class on a whim cause well, I mean, the papers are right. Necromancy comes up a lot in criminal cases — it makes sense, I mean, reanimated dead bodies are useful, but that's a correlation not causation, but uh, anyway. I took a class, and it was _really_ interesting. Like, _far_ more interesting than anything I was doing in my major. So I switched. And I mean, even with the reputation problem, I don't regret it. 

_A brief silence._

BB: I mean, I don't think any sort of magic is inherently bad. It's all about how you use it, right? 

CD: Sure. 

BB: And necromancy, well, it's about _energy._ It's about transferal of energy from one body to another. It's actually really similar to what we did to make the Starblaster's engine from the Light. 

CD: Really? 

BB: Yeah. It's the same principles that governs the way Magic Jar works, except adapted to work with a portion of power rather than a soul and inanimate objects... Sorry, what was your original question? 

CD: I think you answered it pretty well. 

BB: Oh, okay. 

_CD makes a note on his pad. BB takes a second pieceof candy and fidgets a bit._

CD: So, why do you think you're the right fit for the mission? 

BB: Well. I guess I'm one of the only people who know both how the ship works _and_ wants to go. 

CD: I noticed we got your application rather late. 

BB: ...Yeah, that one's on me. 

CD: Not to put you on the spot, but were you unsure about wanting to go on the mission? 

BB: Y-no. No, I wasn't. Not really. 

CD: Not really? 

BB: Not really. Well, not about wanting to go on the mission. I definitely want to go.[Laughs] Hope it doesn't hurt my chances to say that I wasn't sure if I was like, someone who _deserved_ to go on the mission. 

CD: Can you explain that? 

BB: I guess...other than my technical and magical training, I don't really have any experience outside of academia. I've never even really been outside the city, you know? I figured that the mission would need people with more experience outside of just being a researcher, that if I applied my application would just be tossed. 

_BB shrugs._

BB: But I kept thinking about it. And I realized that nobody from my department was applying, and that well, we're the only people who know how the ship works, so far. And that that's probably important to have along, and that, I mean, I might just be a researcher, but I guess I have a fair a shot as anyone else. And I _really_ wanted to go. So, I applied. 

CD: Why do you want to go, then? 

BB: Well. This is important. What we learn from this mission is probably going to affect our understanding of magic for the rest of my lifetime. Like, why _wouldn't_ you want to go? 

_BB's voice grows more animated. He leans forward._

BB: There could be anything out there. We don't even have confirmation that the other planes use the same _physics_ that make magic possible on our plane. Or that there's life there. And the Light of Creation is like, it's like discovering _fire_ for the first time. It's like, the Starblaster is an equivalent innovation to the first guy who made a magic wand, you know? 

CD: That's an apt analogy. 

BB: I know. I think the real question is why more people don't want to go. 

CD: I mean, we _have_ received hundreds of applications. 

BB: Well, fair. 

_CD looks down at his notes. BB awkwardly leans back in his chair._

CD: That's all I have for you right now — oh, except, why do half our records have you down as "Hallwinter," and the other half have you down as "Bluejeans?"

BB: Well, I'm technically Hallwinter, but Bluejeans is sort of a nickname, cause, uh. 

_BB gestures to his pants. Blue denim. (I've never seen him wear anything else, even to formal events)_

BB: Long story. It's uh, sort of hard to explain. It was kind of a joke that got out of hand, ha. I like jeans? I think someone was messing with my files. Anyway. Put me down as Barrington Hallwinter, that's technically official. I don't really use it, though. 

CD: Alright. Thanks for coming in, Barry. 

BB: No problem, Cap. 

CD: Do you have any questions for me? 

BB: [Pauses] No, not really. We'll get notified next week, right? 

CD: If everything stays on schedule. 

BB: [Laughs] Right, I'll be on the lookout for the memo in two, then. 

_CD chuckles._

BB: Anyway, see you later, Cap, 'Creesh.

_BB grabs a piece of candy sheepishly and quickly walks out. CD turns to me._

CD: Barry's a friend of yours? 

LN: Er, an acquaintance. We're both doing our postgrads at the IPRE, and we both went to TSU – not that I dislike him, we just never really ran in the same circles. We say hi when we run into each other. 

CD: Necromancy and abjuration not in the same building? 

LN: [Laughs] No, they're all the way across campus. He's very smart, though. 

CD: He'd have to be, to get a position here so young. 

LN: He's older than I am! 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: TSU stands for Two Sun University. shut up i cant be creative all the time, gosh.
> 
> other note: in 5e necromancers get the spell "clone" which creates an inert duplicate of a living creature as a safeguard against death....hm..............gosh who do we know has been switching bodies and using clones..........hm.......
> 
> last note: i named barry barrington instead of barold because i had a teacher in high school named barrington. shoutout to bedwards, u were a good teach.


	5. Lucretia Nelson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the transcriber is now the transcribed

_Transcriber's note: In retrospect, it would have perhaps been less biased to have a transcriber who was not also a mission candidate, but what's done is done — and CD asked me to do it, anyway._

 

CD: Lucretia, are you transcribing your own interview? 

LN: Well, shouldn't I? it's for the records. 

CD: It's just a formality, Lu. No one's going to read these except me — and I already know who you are. 

LN: It's no trouble. 

CD: Alright then. So. Well, I'd ask you to tell me about yourself, but.

LN: Should I do it anyway, for the sake of completion? 

CD: Yes, if you'd like. We should probably stick to protocol as much as we can. 

LN: Okay. 

_LN takes a deep breath and sets her notebook aside for a moment._

LN: So, um, my name is Lucretia Nelson. I'm an abjuration specialist and I'm defending my thesis in a few weeks. Um. I'm working for the IPRE as a mage and in the PR department, writing copy. I've been published, oh, gosh. Too many times to count — both fiction and nonfiction. And. Um. My mother is one of the people who started the IPRE, and she's on the board. [Laughs] She doesn't particularly approve of the Starblaster mission, actually. 

CD: Does she know you're applying for it? 

LN: Well...

CD: Ah. 

LN: I mean, it's complicated. I haven't told her, and I don't use my last name at the IPRE if I don't have to. I don't want to be accused of nepotism. 

CD: That's fair. 

_LN nods sharply._

LN: I'm here because of what _I've_ done and not anything she's done for me. You know that. 

CD: I should! I recruited you, after all. And, er. Not to get too personal, but are the two of you close? 

_LN shrugs._

LN: Professionally, no. We have some differences of opinion regarding the IPRE's direction, and I've asked her not to interfere in my career. I just thought I ought to mention it, because it's true, but it shouldn't be relevant. Um. Can we move on to the next question? 

CD: Of course. My apologies — I shouldn't have asked that. 

LN: It's fine. 

CD: So then, why do you want to go on this mission, Lucretia? 

LN: Because...Well, I feel like anything I say here is going to be cliche, after what all the other applicants have said. 

CD: [Laughs] I won't hold it against you. 

LN: Ha, alright. I want to go on the mission because, well, I guess like Barry said, who _wouldn't?_ It's — and he put it so much more eloquently than I am right now – _amazing_ , that we're at a place with the sort of technology that we have, that a mission like this is even _possible_. 

_LN takes a piece of candy from the bowl and turns it over in her hands._

LN: There's that old human myth, you know, the one where Prometheus steals fire from the gods and gives it to the races, and because of that single gift, we're able, as beings, to advance far beyond our humble beginnings. The Light of Creation reminds me of that. 

CD: Prometheus is punished, though. 

LN: But we're not Prometheus. We're society, in this scenario, and we've been given an unimaginable gift. I almost feel like we have like, a duty as people to use the Light of Creation to its fullest potential. And. Well, I suppose its selfish, but I want to see how we advance, from the very beginning. It's why I joined the IPRE in the first place, because I want to be part of how we change the world. Or at least document it happening. [Laughs] It might not be the best reason, though. 

CD: No, I think it's a very good reason. 

_CD pauses, looks down at his notes._

CD: And why you, for the mission?

LN: Um. I don't think I'm the only person who could do this, or even the best person at what I do, but — 

CD: Don't sell yourself short. 

LN: Oh. Thank you. But what I'm saying is, I think I'm the _right_ person to go. 

CD: Do you want to explain that? 

LN: [Laughs] Not really, but I'll try. 

_LN pauses. She looks down at her notebook. She looks back up at CD._

LN: Well, first of all, it's so important. That somebody tells the world what happened on the ship, what the mission was like. That it's accurately documented, and more importantly, that it's _well_ documented. 

CD: Right. 

LN: Sometimes I think I'm the only person who's even thinking about it this way, but I think that the narrative we create out of this mission, that narrative is going to be, well, _vital._ How will the crew be characterized? Will they be heroes? Explorers? Scientists? Stories... have power.

_LN looks away from CD, out the window. The streets are quiet, this time of day. She looks back._

LN: If you read the diaries of the first explorers who documented the Western continents — and those are, admittedly, very biased and kind of racist — but if you read them, the men and women, they write of themselves as heroes, as trailblazers, and because they did that, that's how we think of them today. 

_CD leans his head on his hands. LN looks down at her notebook and back up at CD._

LN: And it's kind of the same thing we're doing, isn't it? We're exploring new worlds and coming back with information about them, we're trying to figure out how we can benefit from their existence. And I feel like what we write about ourselves, what we bring back, that all of that is going to shape the way we think about the other planes. And it's important to me, that we get it right the first time. I sort of feel I'm the only one who's thinking about this, that I'm the only one who'll bring back something that's not like, a mission log, or a straight transcript. 

_LN pauses._

LN: Sorry, does that make sense? 

CD: It does. 

LN: Basically, I think I'm the right person to tell the story of "what happened on the Starblaster mission," is what I'm saying. And I suppose it doesn't hurt that I also have magical training, for both research and combat. 

CD: That definitely doesn't hurt. 

LN: Right. And I guess I could talk about my more technical and academic qualifications, but you know about those. 

CD: I do. Hm. 

_CD looks down at his notes. (He's probably wondering what else he should ask me, considering he knows the answer to most of the questions)_

_He looks back up at me._

CD: Just curious, but why the IPRE? I know you've ghostwritten a number of bestsellers- you have the beginnings of a very successful career in publishing, so it's an interesting career choice for you to be here — in truth, I was surprised that you were willing to be recruited. 

_LN hesitates. (I don't usually tell the truth about this)_

LN: I'm... good at recording things, not so much at _doing_ them. I originally studied magic because my parents thought it was a field with more promise than writing. We agreed that if I finished my degrees, then they wouldn't say anything about what I would do afterward. I hadn't really _planned_ to stick with it, especially after I started having some of my stuff published.And I don't think I would have, except, well, you convinced me.

CD: [Surprised] Me? 

LN: Yes. I don't know, what you told me when we first talked sort of changed my mind. I've always considered myself someone who isn't really on the front lines of anything. Writing's _quiet._ But you pointed out that, well, that those two things aren't mutually exclusive. And I guess I realized that I don't just want to write about what happened after the fact, I want to see them as they happen. 

CD: And here we are. 

LN: Yes. 

_CD nods thoughtfully._

CD: I think that's all I need to ask you, considering circumstances. Do you have any questions for me? 

LN: Not any that other applicants haven't already asked. Er, actually, just wondering, but. It's not a breach of regulations, that I've heard other interviews, is it? 

_CD shrugs._

CD: Regulations are in place to prevent abuse of the system, and quite frankly, I trust you. 

LN: Oh. Thank you. 

_CD smiles. LN smiles back_

CD: You're welcome. Thank you for your time, Lucretia. And for transcribing all the interviews as well. I'm very grateful for your assistance. 

LN: Thank you, Captain. And it was no trouble, I'm happy to help. 

_LN closes her notebook._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the thinly veiled fact that it was lucretia writing this entire time is formally revealed ;P
> 
> next chapter is the last one - its epilogue time! (i'll probs post it this afternoon, but we'll see) 
> 
> thanks for reading <3


	6. Starblaster Storage Room, Cycle 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a conversation between old friends, about conversations past.

The Starblaster is a small ship for six people to live in permanently. Maybe a little bit too small. Stuff accumulates over the decades, junk piles up in the labs and in the living room and in the hold. Every few years, Davenport makes the crew throw out some of their junk, because "we have to be able to _walk_ , guys." 

Everyone acquiesces with bad grace. Sometimes the Taaco twins shrink their many accumulated pieces of clothing, rather than throw an outfit away. Magnus usually donates old weapons and trinkets to anyone on-planet who wants them. Merle goes through his plants as if he's choosing which children to keep. Barry is the only one who nods and simply sticks his extra stuff in an extra-dimensional portal that he refuses to let anyone else use because "it's not a bag of holding, it's finite, okay, fine, Lup, you can stick your guns in there but the rest of you stop asking me!" 

Lucretia hasn't looked through her accumulated notebooks in a decade and a half. It's just _paper._ It doesn't take up that much space. Never mind that her notes are stacked two-books-deep on the office bookshelves, piled up and around desks. It's fine. She knows where everything is. Only about two-thirds of them are mission logs. The others are doodles, scrap-paper, books that she bought on planets that no longer exist. 

She avoids cleaning out the office for a few days, but eventually, Davenport comes up to her, chin set. 

"Lucretia. You have to clean out the office, this is getting out of hand." Lucretia groans. Davenport grabs her by the skirt and begins pulling her over "If you're not going to do it, I'll do it without you, and I don't know what you want to keep."

"I can just ask Taako to shrink my notebooks," Lucretia protests, though she lets herself be led. 

"Do you actually need them all?" asks Davenport knowingly.

Lucretia is vividly reminded of arguing with her mother. She sighs. 

"Alright. But I'd appreciate your help." 

"Sure," the Captain says smugly, and marches her into the office. 

The office is a repurposed storage room, crammed with three desks and lined with bookshelves. Lucretia spends too much time in there, if she's being perfectly honest. At least it has a window, from which she has a lovely view of the void of space. 

"You start on that end, I'll start on this one," Davenport points at the far side of room. Lucretia nods, and gamely walks over to start pulling out notebooks. 

It's easy, slightly dusty work. She flips through notebooks she hasn't seen in years, filled with her neat cursive. Most of them are important. Some of them aren't. Two piles of "Keep" and "Don't keep" grow on either side of her. Davenport pulls out a stepladder to reach the taller shelves.

A quiet "Huh!" Lucretia looks over at Davenport, who is bent over a folder. He glances up at her. 

"Lucretia, come take a look at this," he calls from his side of the office. Lucretia walks over. He waves the sheaf of paper at her. She bends down and takes it from him. 

"It's the transcripts of the interviews for the mission. I didn't know you kept these." 

"Oh! I forgot I brought them with me," Lucretia admits. "I think it slipped my mind once, well." 

"Yeah," Davenport says. 

Lucretia flips through the papers slowly. The Taaco twins, who interviewed together; Magnus, who came in late and ate all the candy; Merle, who talked theology; Barry, who admitted his hesitation for his candidacy; and her. It's like looking at baby portraits. Snapshots of people who no longer exist. 

"Everyone seems so young here," Lucretia says, wondering. "And it was only supposed to be two months. _Gods._ " 

"It was supposed to be the first of many missions, if it went well," Davenport says wistfully. 

Lucretia doesn't think about the world she left behind too often anymore. She thought about it often in the first few months, the years after leaving. About her mother, who was vehemently opposed to her going, about her colleagues, who were both envious and supportive, about her friends, who had thrown her a party when they found out she got in. There were a lot of people she left behind, Lucretia thinks, but after thirty years, their memory fades. She's been alive on the Starblaster longer than she's ever been alive on her home planet. 

It seems so small, now, to think about the goals of the original mission. Two months exploring the other planes, before returning with specimens and a full write-up, maybe making contact with any other societies that existed there. The seven of them were only ever supposed to be a temporary crew, possibly reconvened if the mission went well.

She closes the sheaf of paper. Lucretia remembers slipping it between her other notebooks absently. It had been on a whim — she hadn't wanted to leave them to be found in her bedroom. She remembers putting her notes together, after the crew roster had been released. Lucretia had been so happy to be accepted, so shocked to have been chosen. It had been something of a pipe-dream, for her. 

She looks down at Davenport. 

"You know, I've always sort of wondered. Why did you pick us, Captain?" 

Davenport pauses from where he's picking up a notebook. "Huh. I haven't thought about that in a long time." 

He stares down at the book for a moment. 

"Well, there were a lot of reasons," Davenport says, slowly. "Your resumes, your abilities, the fact that the six of you seemed like you could live together for two months without self-combusting."

Lucretia laughs. "Thank Pan you chose based on that." 

He chuckles. "It could have been very bad if I hadn't." 

She hands him the sheaf back, and Davenport takes it from her. He looks down at the title, which reads "STARBLASTER INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPTS - CREW." 

"And I wanted people who cared," he says pensively. "About each other, about the mission, about the world. I wanted people who were interested in the mission for the right reasons, if you understand what I'm saying?"

"What do you mean?" 

Davenport runs a hand through his hair. He looks back up at Lucretia with a frown. 

"I don't know how much you know about the politics at the time, but, well, the mission was controversial. And _extremely_ high profile." 

"I know." 

"You don't know how much so, though. Well, maybe you do, considering who your mother was. But it came very close to not being funded, and after it was, it became something of a poster-child for the IPRE. A lot was riding on its success, for me. And I'd been building up to this mission, or something like this, for my entire career. My entire _life_ , really. I didn't want it to be staffed by people who were looking to see it fail, or only there for the fifteen minutes of fame it would bring, or for the career boost. I wanted people who...who _understood._ Who had good intentions. _"_

"Huh." 

He laughs. "It sounds a bit naive, in retrospect. But I don't regret the decisions I made regarding you all." 

"Oh," Lucretia says. "Well. I think you chose well, too." 

"Wouldn't want to be stuck on a ship hurtling through paradox space for eternity with anyone else," Davenport says, and pats Lucretia's leg. 

She smiles.

"The others might be interested in reading these, don't you think?"

"They're technically classified," Davenport says wryly. "But I suspect that hasn't mattered for a while now." 

"Probably not," Lucretia responds, equally as dry. "Can I show the transcripts to them?" 

"Yes, if you'd like. They're yours, technically." 

"Then I'll leave them in the living room," she says, and takes the bound notebook from her captain. 

"Alright," Davenport says. "But we have to finish cleaning out the office, first." 

Lucretia sighs. "Yes, alright." 

She places the sheaf of papers of her desk, and her and Captain Davenport continue tidying up, companionably looking through old books and sorting them.

It's not the worst way things could have turned out, Lucretia thinks, as she blows dust off a notebook's spine. They are here, together, and alive. They are working toward the salvation of the multiverse, and they have a fighting chance. In another life, she would have been swallowed up by the Hunger. Or the Light of Creation would never have landed on their planet, and she would have been a mage and a writer and never would have met the rest of the crew. 

It's so strange to think about, now. A life where she doesn't argue about magic with Barry at dinner, where Magnus doesn't pick her up playfully and swing her around, where Taako doesn't commandeer her to be his kitchen assistant, where Lup doesn't drag her on shopping trips on strange worlds, where she doesn't have late-night tea breaks with Merle, where Davenport doesn't help her clean up her journals. 

She'd be so different without the other six crew members, Lucretia thinks, as she takes the interview transcripts with her to the living room. She can't imagine a life without them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> liner notes:
> 
> There's an uh. aggressively long note re: meta/backstory/some of the character decisions + worldbuilding choices that I made for this posted here at my tumblr - there's a lot of background and scaffolding that was necessary to write this thing, which is wild because it's not that long a story. so hit that up [here](http://anonymousalchemist.tumblr.com/post/163266178312/directors-commentary-re-starblaster-interviews) if you like meta!
> 
> AND THANKS FOR READING I LOVE YOU ALL <3 let me know what you thought! <3

**Author's Note:**

> im @[anonymousalchemist](http://anonymousalchemist.tumblr.com/) if you wanna talk taz or want to check out haphazard pieces of fic/meta i dont post here. cheers my dudes. 
> 
> let me know what you thought! xoxo thank you for reading!


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